Street niggas making Big Money now

Laughing Straight to the Bank

Posted by Drew Ricketts on Thursday, March 6th, 2008 at 2:44 pm.

Ha..ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa. The Wall Street Journal reports that the top richest per cent of America just got even wealthier. What this means for those of us who are not hundred-millionaires is that our tax burden just got a little lighter. Whew. Hip-hop moguls and go-getters have also made being rich the new black. When reached for comment, several of the super-rich were visibly happy.

Others were not so happy because their income brackets had not shifted. Toying with new strategies for selling records, marrying rich and buying out the bar has not yielded the same capital gains for some.

Still, the music industry is a comeback story waiting to happen. Digital sales and sponsorship means new money for any rapper willing to “do him.” Fat Joe gave his take on the explosive nature of a ringtone single like his “Make It Rain.”

“Got a handful of stacks better grab an umbrella…ahhh…genius hides behind these rolls of neck fat. I mean, what do I say? I’m pleased. I decided to recreate the magic for Elephant in the Room by writing Crack House with Weezy in mind. One out of two ain’t bad…” Joe then pulled out and flipped a stack of ones claiming he had a business meeting in a few minutes.

Fat Joe appears courtesy of Bacardi

If anything, some folks were ready to make adjustments now that all the money is drifting uphill. Lil Wayne is now charging one million dollars for a guest verse. He explains, “Weezy Baby…they call me Young Baby…my money 360, you only 180: half! Yezzir!”

For him to be quoted for this piece, he demanded an up-front payment and no cameras were allowed. His manager had this to say: “Wayne is a commodity in a deflated market. The mortgage crisis is peanuts compared to what Hip-Hop would be without the Best Rapper Alive, the Rapper Eater…We are responding with the best tactics we can. No more songs with R&B singers not named Usher. Inflation had us going a little crazy…blessing Trey Songz with a verse. Two thousand dollar a day drug habits don’t exactly fund themselves. We’ll be doing things a bit differently ongoing.”

Rap stardom stretches well beyond radio and record sales. Flavor Flav, Snoop Dogg, Salt n’ Pepa and Reverend Run have all used television shows based on their lives to create new buzz and, more importantly, plenty of ad dollars. Flavor Flav will be endorsing a new brand of toothpaste for sensitive gold teeth. Reverend Run has plans for a new megachurch in the Atlanta area, sure to bring celebrity followers. Snoop Dogg has already bankrolled his own flavored rolling papers, rims, adult film series, cars and dog toys but hopes to add a bath and linens line at Wal-Mart and other major retailers.

“It’s for those times when you need to put a towel under the doorway for some privacy. Having kids can really blow a high so I stress privacy in my household. I know a lot of Americans be in the same position. Plus, imagine blue velvet towels hanging off yo muthaf*cking towel rack nephew. Can you say classy?”

For the failed entrepreneurs, there was also a sigh of relief. Not having to keep up with the likes of Diddy, Hov, Russell and Lyor has made living a little easier for them. Damon Dash has talked openly about slowing the pace in the next decade.

“When you enjoy that kind of come-up, there’s nothing left to do but go down. It’s more exciting. I love new challenges. I used to be a Cake-a-holic by my own admission. Now, I’m a Life-a-holic. I’m high on life, and I’ve seen enough to know the opportunities will always be there.” Dash says his plans for expansion include a hot dog stand in his former Harlem neighborhood as well as a stint on Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice.

Dash: I can still live off of my wife’s clothing line.

But the real winners in all this could arguably be Koch Records. Execs at Koch have turned into the bottom-feeders in a world full of broke rappers with high profiles. Koch has changed its motto to reflect the market saying “Where there’s bankruptcy, there’s money to be made” and airing nonstop commercial blocks targeting rappers without a home. Founder Michael Koch is proud of their acquisitions and the flexibility they allow. “Someone buys a sh*tty rap record every 2 minutes…why shouldn’t it be a Koch sh*tty rap record?” Telling words from a wise man. The rich get richer.